


We're looking down on the clouds

by screamtobeheard



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 18-Year-Old Harry, 20-Year-Old Louis, 21-year-old-Harry, 23-Year-Old-Louis, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, M/M, Reunions, Slow Build, Slow Burn, this is based on clouds ok, white eskimo is mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-25 03:55:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3795781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/screamtobeheard/pseuds/screamtobeheard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Do you like me?” Harry asks<br/>“What does it look like?”<br/>“No I mean, do you like me? It’s okay if you don’t. I was just wondering, you know,” Harry says and he looks so insecure and fragile. Louis can’t tell him the truth. He can’t fall for Harry. It’s just for fun this all. <br/>“I like kissing you,” he says. He ignores the way he sees the disappointment in Harry’s eyes </p><p>or where Louis and Harry never dated and meet again after 3 years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We're looking down on the clouds

**Author's Note:**

> This was meant to be a short fic but I got carried away and put way too much emotion in it. Hope it's alright xx

“Louis, you lazy shit, get up mate!” Niall yells and Louis feels a pillow being thrown to his head. He groans into his pillow and doesn’t try to open his eyes.   
“You’ve slept enough, get up!” His blanket is being ripped away from his body, leaving him freezing.   
“It’s early,” he mumbles into his pillow and shuts his eyes more forcefully.   
“It’s 3 in the afternoon and we wanna go somewhere, so get off your lazy arse and come with us,” Niall says. Louis opens his eyes and turns to look. 1. To check if it’s really 3pm, and 2. Because Niall has already disturbed his sleep so he might as well get up.  
“You can go without me, you know,” he says rubbing his eyes.  But Niall is already walking away, calling to Liam that he is awake. 

#

_“So you’re Gemma, right?” he asks uninterestedly as he sits down next to his study partner.  
“And you’re Louis. I’m not too excited for this assignment either,” she says and stares at him. Rude, he thinks. He studies the assignment successfully without falling asleep as he sees Gemma trying to stay awake. As the bell rings he nearly jumps up and leaves before he hears her talk again.  
“You wanna go to Starbucks to work on it or anything? We need to finish it and I’d like to be done as soon as possible, I hate this assignment,” she says with a smile and Louis actually smiles back.   
“Why? Don’t want to study at your house?” he teases.   
“It’s not wise to bring any stranger from school to my house. Especially a stranger like you,” she says with a straight face. Maybe she wasn’t that bad. _

#

“Good to see you’re awake, Lou,” Liam says when Louis gets downstairs, finally dressed.   
“Well I’m glad you think it’s a good thing, pal,” he says sarcastically.   
“Oh stop whining, Zayn discovered this awesome place, he says there’s this upcoming band that sings there every Saturday,” Liam says. Louis snorts and looks at Niall.  
“Seriously? You’re taking me to see some kids covering some songs in a bar?”  
“It’s a friend of Zayn’s mate, be supportive and come with us. They’re pretty popular he says.”  
“Sure they are.”   
“Louis,” Liam says in a stern voice.   
“Fine, I’ll come to see your professional glee club, dear god,” he says and pretends not to see how happy that makes Liam.

#

_“Do you come here often or something?” Louis asks as they sit down at a table.  
“They knew your name,” he carries on. Gemma lets out a laugh and nods.   
“Yeah, my brother works here, actually. He’s probably working today so if you’re lucky you’ll see him,” she says and starts typing on her laptop. After a boring 40 minutes Louis’s attention is caught by a boy nearly tripping over someone’s feet and apologizing at least 30 times after that for 5 minutes. Gemma makes a noise in the back of her throat and Louis sees her smile.  
“There’s my brother,” she says with a grin. Louis stares at the boy with curly hair and red cheeks who walks to their table. For a minute Louis panics before he remembers that the kid probably comes for his sister.  
“Hey Gem,” he says happily, his voice way too low for his young face. He pokes her in her sides and Gemma squeals and punches him in his arm. The kid laughs loud and bright and it’s almost contagious. Then his eyes fix on Louis and he gives him a smile.   
“Hi,” Louis says.  
“Hey, I’m Harry, Gemma’s brother,” he says.   
“I’m Louis, we have to work on an assignment together,” he explains. Harry nods as if he knows all about it.   
“Nice to meet ya, Louis,” he says and Louis sees he has dimples in his cheeks when he smiles.   
“God, Harry, go work, we’ll be here for at least an hour,” Gemma says with a laugh and Harry nods causing Louis to look to his papers again.   
“Have fun, tell me when you’re done so we can go home together,” he says. Gemma hums in response. Louis’s eyes follow Harry until he disappears to put on his work clothes._

_Louis turns out to have to spend more time with Gemma Styles than he originally thought. They turn out to get along alright. Gemma’s brother though, is a different story. After a day of writing and almost finishing everything, Louis gets out of his Starbucks’s seat to get home.  
“Hey Louis, you don’t have to disappear immediately, do you might wanna come back to watch a movie or something? Harry’s shift is over and I’m not so fond to see his stupid films with no mental support,” she says with a smile. Louis considers this for a moment but says yes after all. When Harry sees them, he greets Louis like always.  
“I asked Louis to come with us to watch a movie, that alright?” she asks and Harry frowns like she asked a stupid question.   
“Sure it is, you two see each other so often you’re nearly dating,” he teases.   
“Shut up, would never happen, sorry Louis,” she says and Louis chuckles. It would indeed never happen._

_#_  
“I swear to god if you whine about being tired one more time I’m going to shove your bed up your arse,” Niall threatens when Louis opens his mouth to talk.  
“Rude,” he mumbles. When they stop the car at Zayn’s, he suddenly doesn’t feel so tired anymore. He gets out of the car and walks with Niall and Liam to his house. Zayn’s smiling brightly like he hasn’t seen them in years. When in reality it’s just a few weeks. Louis hugs him and Zayn chuckles.   
“Heard you didn’t want to come?” Zayn asks. Louis shrugs.   
“Happy to see you again, though,” he says with a smile and they all grin at each other as they silently agree. It’s always nice to see Zayn.

#  
_“I’m gonna go pee,” Gemma announces in the middle of grease.  
“Hurry up, the goods songs come soon!” Harry shouts as she walks out of the room.  
“Excuse you, every song is golden,” Louis says. Harry snorts and looks at him.   
“Grease enthusiast?” he asks.   
“You bet,” Louis says with a grin. Harry grins back and Louis finds himself staring at him a little longer than he should.   
“So do you maybe want to hang out sometime without my sister? Not that I don’t like her. I mean I do, she’s my sister. But like do you maybe want to hang out without you two having to do stuff for school first?” Harry finishes awkwardly and Louis nearly laughs at him.   
“’Course Harry,” he says and Harry smiles. He pokes Louis’s side and Louis erupts into giggles. When Gemma comes in later she doesn’t seem to notice that Louis’s face is red from laughter._

_He expected it to be weird with Gemma but it’s not weird at all. Sometimes he and Harry hang out at his house and it’s fine and when they’re at Harry’s Gemma acts like Louis isn’t that kid that she had to do an assignment with but treats him like Harry’s friend. Louis really likes Gemma. He also really likes Harry. Harry is silly and funny and really sweet. He also is really good looking. And not just Louis seems to notice that. There are always people flirting with him, giving him phone numbers. Harry always just smiles and blushes and is polite as always. Harry likes the attention is the thing, and Louis is not sure why he’s annoyed by that. Harry doesn’t really come out to him as much as he just blurts out: “He’s hot.” Louis raises his eyebrow and follows Harry’s gaze. A man with an eyebrow piercing is staring at them.  
“And creepy as shit, don’t look at him,” Harry giggles but turns his head away.  
“Looks a bit like my ex,” he mumbles. Louis doesn’t question it, Harry is hot enough, of course he has exes.   
  
_

_“Is your ex also creepy as fuck?” Louis jokes but Harry doesn’t laugh and just shrugs.  
“Wait is he really?” he asks more seriously now. Harry lets out a laugh.   
“Well he’s not like creepy creepy, he’s just, we had a fight when we broke up, he said some mean things and I said some things back,” Harry says vaguely.   
“What did he say then?” Louis asks. Harry smiles and looks over to the creepy man before completely turning towards Louis.   
“The usual. That I’m a slut, but come on, what else is new,” he says it with a laugh but Louis isn’t laughing.  
“People call you that?” he asks carefully. Harry just shrugs and finishes his drink. _

_#  
_ Louis loves spending time with Zayn. Since he moved in with Perrie he doesn’t see him as much as he sees Niall or Liam but when he sees him, it’s like he never left.  
“Hey Louis!” Perrie says when she sees them. Louis hugs her and tells her it’s good to see her. Perrie hugs the other boys and smiles.  
“You gonna show them white eskimo tonight?” she asks Zayn and he nods.   
“You’ll love them, they’ll be glad with the new fans too,” she says and Louis rolls his eyes.   
“I’d like to hear them first,” he says.   
“Louis here is so bitter because he didn’t want to get out bed,” Niall explains and Perrie and Zayn laugh.   
“Well, I’m gonna get going, spending the day with the girls. Have fun tonight!” she says with a smile and she waves at them. Perrie truly is wonderful.  When she’s gone, they all get in Zayn’s car.   
“Can we go eat something first, I’m starving,” Niall suggests.   
“Sure, most people get there at 5 anyways,” Zayn says.   
#  
_For a while, Harry dated someone. And Louis honestly tries to be polite when Harry likes someone but he hated this guy. Josh was his name. Everything was well and Harry really seemed to like the guy, even though he was an asshole.  
“Isn’t it the seventh time he cancelled plans now?”  
“Lou, he’s just busy.”  Josh breaks up with him on a Sunday. He and Louis are hanging out when Harry gets a call. Louis sighs annoyed when he sees who it is. He sees Harry put down the controller and Louis feels the anger coming up. Of course he would answer his stupid boyfriend.   
“Want me to pause it?” he asks without looking up. Harry shakes his head and walks out of the room as he answers the call.  
  
_

_“Heeyyy,” he hears him say in that insanely fond voice. It’s ridiculous Harry gets attached to this guy. Harry gets attached too fast and it’s obvious Josh isn’t even in love with him. Louis continues angrily playing the game and it only gets worse when Harry doesn’t come back for a long time. He needs some long fucking time to say how much he loves him of course. After at least 15 minutes Harry returns. Louis is about to make some rude comment about Harry paying more attention to his phone when he looks up and sees his eyes are red with tears. Louis immediately pauses the game and Harry gives him a weak smile.  
  
“So I guess I just got dumped,” Harry says with a snort. Louis is quiet and pats his shoulder.   
“Why?” he asks carefully. Harry rubs his eyes. He doesn’t cry.   
“He said he just wasn’t ready for a relationship. Yeah, heard that one before,” he says and laughs. He heard that one before too. He doesn’t say anything but lays his head against Harry’s shoulder.   
“He’s a douche,” Louis says and Harry nods.   
“Fuck him,” Louis says and Harry snorts out a laugh.   
“No thanks, been there, done that. Would not recommend.” Louis laughs and it’s quiet for a while._

_“Thank you,” Harry says in a soft voice. Louis lifts his head and looks at Harry.  
“Yeah no problem, Haz,” he says. Harry smiles and holds his gaze. Neither of them move. Not until Louis kisses him._

_#_  
“I am never eating again for the rest of my life, anyone with me?” Niall groans. Zayn groans in response and rubs his stomach.   
“Here with ya.”   
“Alright so when are we going to your club? Kinda wanna see your friend perform, mate,” Louis says. All eyes look at him.  
“Look who’s eager now, huh?” Liam teases. Louis shoves him and Zayn grins.   
“Well yeah, let’s go. Think you’ll like Harry, he’s a real idiot,” Zayn says with a smile.   
“Yeah, come on we’re going,” Niall says and stands up.   
“I wanna pass out in your car first for a few hours,” he groans and gets in the backseat of the car.   
“Dramaqueen,” Louis mumbles before he gets in too.

When they arrive the club is already full of people. It really is a popular place and he sees tons of people with bright coloured hair and also tons of people with panda eyes. He guesses the boyband Zayn’s mate is in, does well with the girls too. They all look like they’re 15 though and Louis hopes he looks like 23 himself cause he’s not really in the mood for conversations with them. The other people in the club look mostly normal and mature so Louis is fine with that. Niall is getting them drinks and Liam sits down at a table. Louis himself is walking straight towards the dancefloor. He doesn’t even care that Kesha is playing.  
#  
_“Why’d you do that?” Harry asks and his eyes are wide. Louis feels stupid.  
“Because I wanted to,” he says and turns around to the game again, ignoring Harry’s eyes on him.   
“You wanted to kiss me?” he asks again and Louis wants to punch him. He gives him a look.  
“Yes I fucking wanted to. That a problem?” he snapped. Harry doesn’t say anything but his face splits in a smile.  
“Alright,” he says and picks up the controller again. It’s like nothing happened. _

_Something still happened. People still check Harry out all the time but he doesn’t even turn to look. It’s like he only looks at him and it’s really confusing and annoying. Harry gets too attached. He still kisses him again. And again.  They’re not dating. They will never date. Louis isn’t into relationships, It just wouldn’t work.  
“Lou,” Harry mumbles between kisses. Louis is lying on top of him and has been there for at least 15 minutes.   
“Hm?” he hums uninterested when he goes back to pressing kisses on Harry’s lips and face.   
“Do you like me?” Harry asks a little out of breath. Louis frowns and looks at him.   
“What does it look like?” he ducks his head back down again but Harry pushes a hand against his chest. Harry blushes a little.   
“No I mean, do you like me? It’s okay if you don’t. I was just wondering, you know,” Harry says and he looks so insecure and fragile. Louis can’t tell him the truth. He can’t fall for Harry. It’s just for fun this all. Harry stares at him and Louis realizes he hasn’t answered yet.   
“I like kissing you,” he says. He ignores the way he sees the disappointment in Harry’s eyes when he presses his lips against his. _

# _  
_ “Lou, Lou! Come, White eskimo is coming soon,” Liam says and he grabs his arm. A song he doesn’t know is playing and he was having a pretty good time dancing.   
“Who are that again?” he asks uninterested. Liam rolls his eyes.   
“Zayn’s friend. The reason we came here in the first place. Come on, I saved you a seat.” Louis groans but lets himself being pulled away. The people he had been dancing with seem sad he left and he really hopes this stupid band is gone soon because he really wants to go back to dancing.   
“Harry’s real nice, he was here when you were dancing,” Liam says. Louis nods and sits down next to Niall. Their table  is pretty close to the stage. Louis smiles when he thinks it was probably Zayn’s idea because he wants to support his friend. Zayn really is too sweet.

The DJ announces that White eskimo is going to perform like every week and he sees Zayn’s face light up. Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad if it makes Zayn so happy. He is so wrong.  The curls, green eyes, that stupid grin of him.  He recognises Harry Styles immediately. His Harry. Well not anymore. He forces himself to look to the table as if that will protect him from Harry’s vision.  
“Hi, us again. We’re White eskimo. We’re going to sing some songs for y’all tonight!” some guy with a guitar says. Harry dares to look up for a moment.   
“The following song is written by dearest Harry here,” he announces and points at Harry who beams. He looks into the crowd like he’s searching for someone. He’s probably searching for Zayn. His eyes move to his table. He wants to look away. It’s too late when Harry locks his gaze.

#

_Louis catches Gemma on his way to Harry’s room. She stops walking.  
“Hey Louis, what’s up with you and Harry?” she asks.   
“What do you mean?” he asks as his hearts speeds up. She can’t know. She doesn’t know.  
“Idunno, you are like always hanging out and Harry is always so cheerful when you’re gone. Are you guys dating or something?” she asks. Louis’s face heats up.  
“No we’re not,” he answers. It’s not even a lie. _

_#_

“You alright?” Liam asks next to him when Louis stares at his drink. He feels sick. He’s sure he’s gonna puke.   
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost, mate,” Liam says with a laugh. Louis lifts his head and stares at Harry for a moment. He seems a little lost too. He fixes his hair like he always did when he was nervous. Oh god.    
“I used to know him,” he mutters to Liam.   
“Who? Harry?” Liam hisses back. He nods slowly. Liam doesn’t seem to fully understand.  The music starts playing. Harry starts singing.

#  
_“Oh shit,” Harry squeaks as he grabs Louis’s arm and squeezes hard.  
“Ouch, what the fuck?” he swears but Harry buries his face in his neck. Louis freezes. They’re in public. And Harry is holding him and putting his face in his neck. People will think they’re together. He pushes him away but Harry squeezes his arm tighter.   
“That’s my ex!” he hisses. Louis is about to ask which one when he spots a scarily looking dude across them. He looks like a douche.   
“Can you just like,-“ Harry is cut of when the guy walks over to them.  
“Hey there Harry,” the guy says.   
“Jason,” Harry says back. _

_Jason’s stare falls on Louis.  
“Who’s this? Another one? I thought Josh just dumped you,” he says. Harry gives him a look that could kill.   
“Oi, Fuck off,” Louis spats annoyed. Jason raises his eyebrow. Harry looks at Louis like he’s waiting for him to continue. He’s not his fucking babysitter.   
“Really, get over him, and leave him alone,” he continues anyways.   
“Yeah maybe I should, heard it barely takes a week to get over him,” Jason says.   
“Go fuck yourself, Jason,” Harry says with a hard look and turns around. Louis follows him. Louis can see him pushing back tears. They don’t say anything for a while when they walk.   
“How many exes do you have Harry?”  Harry looks up and thinks._

_“About 5, though there were some guys that only wanted fuck me. They made sure everyone knew we fucked though. So yeah, I kinda got that image from that really,” Harry says. Louis doesn’t say anything. Harry stares at his hands.  
#_

The song starts of loud by one of the other guys yelling ‘clouds’. Then Harry starts singing. He looks straight at Louis.

#   
_“Louis, touch me,” Harry breathes. He looks at him with pleading eyes. Louis knows he won’t be the first one to do it. He will just be another name on the list who Harry fucked. He stares at him for a while. He feels Harry press against his thigh. His eyes still so innocent while he pushes against him.  
“Haz,” Louis starts. Harry shakes his head desperately.   
“Please,” he begs. Louis gives in. He won’t fuck him. As if that will make him not another ex. _

_Louis is lying in Harry’s bed. His back is facing Harry. He wants to regret what he did. He can’t. He can’t face Harry right now. He pretends he’s asleep. Harry is drawing circles on his back carefully, like he’s afraid he might wake him up. Louis can feel him breathe.  
“Louis,” he whispers. He doesn’t react, he doesn’t turn around. Harry’s hand continues on his back.  
“I love you,” he whispers even quieter. Louis freezes. He bites his lip. He turns around to face him. Harry smiles slightly, like he knew he was awake all along. Louis stares at him. He wants to say something back. Words don’t come.   
“Do you mind?” Harry asks. Louis doesn’t say anything. Harry lies down and closes his eyes.  
“Goodnight Lou.”_

_#_

“[I know you say, That you don’t like it complicated](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VyotcwmZE3w)” Harry sings. Louis stops breathing for a moment.  
“That we should try to keep it simple, But love is never ever simple, no.”  Harry is looking at him while he sings this.

#  
“ _Hey, I heard you stood up against Jason when he was harassing Harry again,” Gemma says when she sees him on school. Louis slams his locker shut.  
“I didn’t. He did that himself, you know,” he says. Gemma nods.   
“Still glad he has you, nobody ever did that. You know, Josh was a real dick,” she continues. Louis stops walking.   
“I am not dating him. He doesn’t have me at all,” he snaps. Gemma’s face falls.   
“I just thought-“she begins.   
“Don’t. I just told the guy to fuck off. I’m not your brother’s fucking guardian,” he snaps. I’m not his boyfriend, he thinks. _

_“Hey, Lou,” Harry smiles brightly.  
“Have you told Gemma that we saw Jason?” he asks immediately. Harry frowns and his smile falls.  They’re standing in the hallway of Harry’s house.   
“Yeah, why?”   
“Gemma thinks we’re dating ‘cause I defended you,” he says. He doesn’t know why he’s getting so worked up over this.  
“Oh okay,” Harry says with a frown. Like it’s no big deal.  
“We’re not,” Louis stresses the word not.   
“I know that,” Harry spits back.   
“Don’t know why the thought of that disgusts you so much though,” he says bitterly. Louis’s blood is boiling.   
“I am not in love you!” he yells. Harry flinches.   
“I know you’re not,” he says calmly.   
“So go tell your sister that we’re not dating,” Louis says. Harry gives him an angry stare.   
“Of course, we wouldn’t want people to think that you’re dating a boy, huh?” he says.   
“It’s not fucking about that! I don’t want to be just another fucking name on the Harry Styles fucklist.” When he says it he regrets it. Harry’s face goes blank. He stares at him. Then he sees tears coming up in Harry’s eyes. And his face is all anger. _

_#  
_ “Someday, you’re gonna see the things that I see, You’re gonna want the air that I breathe, You’re gonna wish you never left me,” Harry sings. He looks at Louis. His face full of anger and then with the last sentence a smirk appears on his face and he turns away his face. Acting if Louis isn’t even there. He wants to puke.   
“Here, we go again. Another go around for all of my friends, Another night stopped, will it ever end”   
“Lou, you alright?” Zayn asks him. He can’t focus suddenly. All he can hear is:  The following song is written by dearest Harry here, You try to keep it simple, you’re gonna wish you never left me.   
This song is most likely about him.   
“I’m not feeling so good,” Louis mumbles before getting up and leaving.

#  
_“Is that what this is about? About the guys I’ve fucked?”  
“Well there sure are a lot aren’t there?” Louis says. He doesn’t know why he says it.   
“You think you’ll hurt me like that?” Harry asks with a humourless smile on his face.   
“You’re a fucking asshole, Louis,” he says. Louis doesn’t say anything.   
“Well don’t worry about ending on my fucklist, we’ve never fucked,” Harry says bitterly.   
“Haz,” Louis starts, regretting his words. He reaches out to grab his arm. Harry pushes his arm away.   
“Don’t fucking worry about being another ex. Get out Louis,” he says coldly. Louis wants to cry.   
“Get out!” Harry repeats, raising his voice. Louis leaves. He doesn’t see Harry after this he doesn’t dare to face Gemma. _

_#  
_ Louis can hear the music going on inside. He’s sitting outside on the ground staring at nothing when Zayn joins him.   
“So you know Harry?” he points out the obvious. Louis just nodded.   
“Old friend?” he asks.   
“Something more than that. We never really dated. Had a really bad fight about three years ago and never saw each other since. Big chance clouds was written about me,” he says.   
“Shit,” Zayn curses.  Louis nods.   
“Do you still like him?”  Zayn asks him. Louis doesn’t say anything.   
“Lou,” Zayn says when he doesn’t react.   
“I don’t know Zayn. I said some really bad things before.  I don’t think he’ll ever talk to me again even if I liked him,” he says.  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know, Louis,” he apologizes.   
“I know,” Louis just says.

“I guess now is a good time to talk to him,” Zayn whispers when white eskimo is packing their stuff and most people are leaving.   
“We’ll go eat something, yeah?” Zayn says and Louis knows he does it to give Louis some time to talk. And he is thankful for that.  He walks towards Harry carefully. When Harry sees him, his expression goes blank expect for the same smirk he gave him when he was on stage.   
“Hey,” Louis says.   
“Hi, Louis,” he says. Harry has changed so much in appearance. He is taller, his hair is longer, he looks so much more mature than when he was 18.   
“Enjoyed the show, or rather the one song you saw?” he asks casually while taking a sip of water.  
“You wrote that about me, didn’t you?” Louis asks. Harry snorts.  
 “Don’t flatter yourself. It can be about anybody. With all the people I’ve dated, what makes you think it was about you?” Harry asks seriously. And Louis can feel the anger towards him.  
“Because I was the one who tried to keep it simple by not wanting to date you. I’m so sorry Harry,” he says.   
“For what exactly?” Harry asks.   
“Being a dick,” he answers. Harry shrugs.   
“Shit happens.”   
“Can’t we talk?” he tries. Harry gives him a look.   
“Nothing to talk about, is there?” he smiles at him and then disappears.

When he goes back to the others they all look at him. Zayn told them.  
“Well, I fucked up,” Louis tries to joke but he feels miserable. Zayn rubs his back and Louis sighs. He can feel the tears stinging in his eyes.   
“Not to be harsh, Lou. But if you want to make it right, you’ll have to actually try,” Niall says. Louis nods at him.  
“Can we just go home now?” he probably sounds like a baby. They bring him home.

#  
_“I haven’t seen Harry around lately, Lou,” his mom says.  Louis shrugs.  
“Are you guys fighting?” she asks. Louis nods.   
“You two will figure it out though?” she asks concerned. Louis smiles and sniffs.   
“I don’t think so, he hates me,” Louis mumbles. He’s not sure if his mom even understands him. She sits down next to him and hugs him.   
“You’ll figure it out,” she tells him. _

_#  
_ It’s harder than he thought to not think about Harry. He’s a bit heartbroken for a strange reason. As if seeing an ex. Wasn’t that what Harry was?   
“Maybe you should go back Saturday. To see Harry I mean. Might let him know you actually care,” Liam says when he sees Louis moping again.  
“He hates me, Li.”   
“Maybe he’s just hurt. Maybe he missed you.”  Louis sighs.   
“You don’t know the things I’ve said to him. I wouldn’t miss me either,” he says.   
“Do you not want to make it right?” Liam asks after a while.   
“Why wouldn’t I?” he asks with a frown. Liam shrugs.   
“Maybe you’re scared.”

He does actually go back next Saturday and he feels more anxious than he probably should. Liam offered to go with him but he said no. When he walks in this time he barely dares to look at the people. Afraid to see Harry again. Even though it’s his plan. He’s there early enough to see the other people from white eskimo. He should really learn their names. He searches for curls.   
“Harry,” he shouts a little harder than meant. The other boys look at him a little amused.   
“Uh, I’ll see you in a bit, yeah?” he says to them. They nod and smirk a bit but continue their thing. Harry grabs Louis arm. It’s gentle and careful.  He pulls him backstage with him away from his band.   
“Didn’t expect you to be here again,” he says with a small smile.   
“I was a dick,” Harry laughs. Louis shrugs.   
“You get what you give, I deserved it,” he says. Harry just looks at him.

“Why did you come here Louis?” he asks carefully.   
“To say I’m sorry. I know it’s long ago but I never said I was sorry. Even when I could. I didn’t mean what I said, Haz,” he says carefully.  Harry nods at him.   
“But I also want to see you again,” he says carefully and his heart pounds in his chest.   
“Do you?” Louis nods.   
“I’ll have to go on stage. We’ll talk after, yeah?” Harry says.   
“Good luck,” Louis says. Harry nods at him. Louis gets back into the audience. This time the other people in his band sing more than Harry. They don’t sing clouds. 

The show is amazing though and people are clapping excitedly and Harry is bouncing and smiling. Louis can’t help but feel happy because it’s Harry. Something flutters inside him but he doesn’t try to push it away this time. Harry looks at him and his smile grows. Harry returns it. When Louis is having a drink, he quite enjoys this place, Harry walks towards him.   
“So, that was exciting,” he says with a smile. Louis nods.   
“You guys will be big very soon, I’m serious!” he says excited. Harry looks at the bar.   
“You think?” Louis nods again.   
“Well I do hope so. It will be kinda a dream coming true, you know?” Louis nods again. It’s quiet for a moment before Harry grabs his arm again.   
“You wanna dance?” he asks with a smirk. Louis looks up questioning. He know this is Harry testing him. Testing if he’s still too scared to touch Harry in public, to dance with him. He gets up and sees Harry look surprised. They make it to the dancefloor while some shitty song is playing. Harry was never good at dancing. He still isn’t.

It’s comfortable between them. It’s like those three years were nothing. Like they never had that fight. Harry looks beautiful. He’s always been beautiful. He really wants to touch him. His hands carefully touch his arm. Harry stares at him and Louis is afraid he fucked up for a moment but then he feels Harry putting his hand in Louis’s neck.  
“I’m so stupid for doing this,” Harry mumbles. Louis stares at him.   
“You’re not stupid,” he whispers back.  
“I’m falling for you again, the second day I’ve seen you after you told me.. After we had a fight. And I wrote an angry song about you. Thought that singing it in your face would help. It didn’t help at all. Pretty stupid,” Harry says.   
“You can probably better leave now, would spare me the heartbreak again,” Harry says with a humourless smile. Louis moves his hands to Harry’s neck. He feels Harry tense up when he plays with the curls in the back of his neck.  
“What if I don’t want to leave?” he whispers. His eyes can’t seem to leave Harry’s face. He is so beautiful. He stares at his mouth for a moment and looks back in his eyes. It’s as if Harry can sense his idea.

“Lou,” he starts but Louis cuts him off and presses his lips against his. It’s a little bit like their first kiss. Impulsive, hesitant and gentle. Louis presses small kisses on Harry’s mouth before Harry opens his mouth slightly. Louis carefully pulls him closer and Harry lets him. The two hands he had in Louis’s neck move to both of his cheeks. Keeping his face in his hands as he kisses him. Harry still treats him as if he is fragile and precious, even after what he did to him. Harry pulls away and rests his head against Louis’s.   
“Why did you do that?” he asks. Louis swallows. Refusing to ruin this again.   
“Because I like you,” he whispers. He doubts Harry know how hard it was for him to say. Harry’s eyes go wide and he smiles slightly.   
“Do you want to go back home?” Harry asks.

#

_“What the hell is wrong with you, Louis?” Gemma shouts at him when he’s walking home.  
“What are you talking about?” he asks.   
“You know damn right what I’m talking about. I’m talking about my brother,” she spits angrily. Louis doesn’t say anything.   
“You’re not the first nor will you be the last person to call him a slut. But you were the first person he was so in love with. And I know you were in love with him too.” Louis’s face heats up.   
“He’s better off without me, anyways,” he says.   
“Why are you so afraid of loving someone? Are you that afraid he’ll break your heart?” she asks, more calmly now. Louis smiles and bites back tears.  
“He already did.”   
“Well you broke his heart first. Why don’t you just talk to him? Tell him how you feel?” Gemma tries.   
“He’s better off without me, Gemma,” he mumbles. Gemma is quiet for a moment.   
“Alright, then stay away from him, Louis,” she says. It’s the last time he speaks to her for 3 years._

#

When they walk into Harry’s house, it’s not like Louis pictured it. It’s so Harry but also so empty, so professional. Like his band can leave any moment and he has to pack his stuff.  
“The apartment is still new; I haven’t been here on my own for a long time. My roommate just left,” Harry explains.   
“Mine too, well one of them. Zayn, you know him,” Louis tells him. Harry smiles and nods.   
“I’ve always liked you, Harry,” Louis says, addressing the elephant in the room. Harry looks at him with big sad eyes.   
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Louis blinks a few times and puts his arms around his own waist.   
“I didn’t want to fall in love with you. I didn’t want you to break my heart,” he says and feels miserable and feels like he might cry.  
“Do you still think that way?” Harry asks after a silence.   
“I am still scared,” he confesses. Harry’s hands are stroking his arms carefully as form of comfort. Louis feels a tear rolling down his cheek and snorts. Harry shushes him and wipes it away.   
“If you break my heart, it will hurt like a bitch. But I guess I’ll try it, because it’s you. That is if you still want me,” Louis says softly. Harry’s eyes are also filled with tears and right then he looks like that 18 year old boy again.   
“I’ve always wanted you,” he says. Louis connects their lips again. They stay like that for the whole evening. Just kissing. As if nothing matters in that moment.

#

Harry and he decided to go on actual dates, as an actual couple. The first few times Louis felt so awkward. Call him weird but he’s never been on a date. He fucked people, but anything close to a relationship was a no from him. They’re walking down the street when Harry interlocks their fingers. He squeezes his hand and Louis lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He will get through this. Relationships aren’t all bad.

#   
Sometimes they are bad.   
“Would you just let me finish, for god sakes, Harry!” he shouts. Harry slams the door shut.   
“Because you are not paying attention to what I’m saying. You’re just defending yourself. I don’t fucking understand you!” Harry shouts back.   
“I don’t fucking understand me either, why don’t you just dump me?” then they’re both quiet. Harry frowns and walks over to him. He wraps his arms around Louis’s body. Louis tries pushing him away.   
“Don’t. We’re angry at each other!” he tries. Harry shrugs and holds him closer.   
“Doesn’t mean I’ll dump you,” he mumbles.  
“Stupid mistake,” Louis mumbles back.  
“Shush. I’m still angry at you,” Harry hisses back. They’re both sitting on the ground holding each other before they make up.  

#

He and Gemma make up too. She tells him that when Harry wrote clouds she knew it was about him. She knew Zayn knew Louis but didn’t dare to say anything to anyone. The fucker.

After a while, he tells his mom too. She’s surprised to say at least. But Louis would be too if it were someone else telling him this. Liam and Niall cheer when he brings Harry to their apartment.   
“It finally happened, Ladies and gentlemen, Louis Tomlinson is in love,” Niall teases. Louis gives him the finger and Niall just laughs.   
“We’re really happy for you, mate. One day, you and Harry will move in together and Liam and I will have even less space to _share_ ; we’ll get each two bedrooms,” Niall says and Louis snorts.   
“Our Harry can stay in Zayn’s room, but no sneaking into yours in the middle of the night,” Liam teases. Louis groans and rolls his eyes.   
“I shouldn’t have told you guys,” he’s smiling though.

#

The first time Louis truly confesses his feelings is after 4 months. It’s a rather long time. Harry and he are lying in Harry’s bed. It’s in the middle of the night and they’re both still awake. Harry is scribbling some lyrics in his notebook, occasionally humming with an unknown song.  
“You writing a song?” Louis asks and turns over so he’s on his side towards Harry. They’re still both naked and the only light in the room is the small light next to Harry.  Harry nods with a smile.   
“It’s about your eyes,” he says with a goofy grin. Louis rolls his eyes and throws a pillow against his head. Harry giggles.   
“I was dead serious, you asshole,” Harry says with a fond smile and puts down his notebook to lie on his side too. He reaches out to stroke Louis’s cheek. Louis closes his eyes and leans into the touch. That’s when he does it.   
 “I love you.” He keeps his eyes closed for what feels like an eternity. When he opens them Harry is looking at him. His gaze burning through his skin.  
“Do you mind?” he whispers with a small smile. Harry’s face turns into a smile as well.  
“Not at all,” he says back and presses a kiss on Louis’s mouth.

#

The next time Louis hears white eskimo play one of Harry’s written songs, it’s about him.   
“This next song is written by me, it’s about someone very special. Here’s [irresistible](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqWlUiYwhwg).”


End file.
